Today is exactly one year since my heart surgery, it feels
as if it just happened yesterday.
I remember going into see my doctor in the spring of 2012 for
just a simple check up, I didn’t expect to hear that I have a heart murmur. I
was shocked, and at the time I didn’t really know what to think of it. I wasn’t
scared, I think my initial thought was denial and that “this could never happen
to me.” I went to see a cardiologist so that I can find out what was going on
with my heart. After I heard the results I felt as if the world had stopped
turning. I felt like I was going to throw up. Hearing my doctor say that I was
going to need heart surgery was just so unreal. I just wanted to run out of
that room and run to my family. Lesson learned, never go alone to a doctor’s
visit when you think you are going to hear something you don’t want to.
A couple months went by and I wasn’t feeling like myself. I
noticed that I couldn’t do certain things anymore, and that really bothered me.
Working 8 hours a day was soon starting to become a challenge for me. I ended
up having to quit my job, and that was so hard for me to do. As much as I
complained about going to work sometimes, I realized how much I loved my job
when I had to quit. I worked so hard to get to where I was and to have to quit
just crushed me. So now I was at home
all the time and as much as I didn’t want to think about my heart condition it
was constantly on my mind. Sometimes I would just sit there and cry, I just
wanted to be healthy and have a normal life again more than anything in the
world. As time went by I couldn’t even go grocery shopping anymore because I
would get so short of breath. It was so hard not to be able to do simple things
like go out for a walk, or just climb up the stairs, never did I think that
this would be an issue for me.
I had more tests done on New Years day (2013) and that was
when I found out that I was going to need to have heart surgery within the next
two months. Meeting with the surgeons and talking to them about the surgery was
so scary. Just hearing them talk about what was going to be done made me want
to throw up. My heart valve was in the stage where the surgeons didn’t think
they were going to be able to repair it and that I was either going to have to
get a pigs valve or a mechanical valve. Never did I think that at the age of 24
I was going to have to think of what heart valve I would have to replace mine.
March 22, 2013 was the day. I remember when I scheduled my
surgery day I just hugged my boyfriend and cried. I could not sleep the night
before, so many things were going through my head. Was I going to wake up, will
the bypass machine work, and most importantly will I wake up with my own heart
valve repaired?
Driving to the hospital seemed like the longest drive of my life.
I was so nervous. When Joe (my
boyfriend) and I got to the hospital my parents and sister were already their
waiting for us. Seeing my parents and sister made me happy and a little more at
ease. I had the people that loved me most by my side, and that was all I needed
at that moment.
Believe it or not, I actually wasn’t nervous while laying in
the bed waiting to be wheeled in for surgery. I guess you can say my parents,
sister, and boyfriend did a good job at keeping me calm! But of course when the
time came closer I got nervous. The hardest part was when I was about to be
taken in for surgery. The hugs meant everything to me at that moment, and I
didn’t want to let go. My family and Joe were the ones that always told me to
stay strong and not to give up. And seeing my family cry made me cry, at a
moment like this, sometimes all you can do is cry and there are no other words
left to be said. I am very lucky to have such a loving family, because I don’t
know what I would have done without them.
I don’t remember much after the surgery, just the nurse
coming in and out. Of course I heard all the stories the next day. The moment I
found out that my heart valve was repaired and I didn’t have to get an
artificial valve was the happiest day of my life. I don’t remember the last
time I was that happy! I was so glad that the surgery was over and that I woke
up, it sounds silly, but when you are put under you just worry about waking up!
I was in so much pain, I felt as if I got hit by a truck and then a motorcycle
ran me over. Of course they gave me a lot of pain medication, so I did a lot
of sleeping. I was so happy when I finally got to come home, but I soon
realized how much I missed the hospital bed. Let’s just say I had to sleep
sitting up for about 2 weeks and I slept on the couch for 5 months on a
mountain of pillows. I just could not get comfortable in the bed. Recovery was
a long time, a very long time. Showering was so painful, it was hard to do on
my own. Once I was starting to feel better it was odd being able to do daily
things again. Going into a grocery store for the first time in about 5 months
made me anxious, because I haven’t done it in so long!
Having heart surgery completely changed my life, it was the
hardest thing I had to go through. There were many tears cried, lots of
worries, and a lot of pain. Never did I think that I was going to have heart
surgery at the age of 24, you never know what life is going to throw at you. Through
this whole experience I realized, if you don’t have your health you have
nothing. I also learned how strong I am, and to never give up no matter what.
But the most important thing I take from this whole experience is to never
judge someone, everyone has a story and you don’t know what that person has
been through. I will never forget the day, March 22.
This little kitten was always by my side.
xoxo
Simona
